Hell Yeah! Life®: Boldness and Not Belonging
I was a shy kid. Nothing like I am today. Well, let me rephrase that. I am still nervous interacting with strangers, but I hide it better. I now have tools that help me. But when I was young, I was withdrawn and unsure of how to develop new relationships, how to be popular, and how to belong. It was tough. I was rejected, bullied, and shut out of the groups I wanted most to belong to. You know, the popular kids that had looks, money, and admiration from all of the other students. That was definitely not me.
I remember inviting several kids from school to my 11th grade birthday party. My step mom helped me pick out a new outfit, we baked and decorated the cake, we decorated the house, and waited for the guests to arrive. They never did. Not one single person I invited came to my birthday party. I remember changing my clothes while my step mom took down the decorations and tucking that outfit away like it and my party never existed. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized how painful that was for me and learned a wonderful key to the story—I had targeted the wrong market. I had invited the cool kids who didn’t like me, and I really didn’t like them. I also realized that I had not invited my good friends, which was not cool.
More than teenage angst
On top of being the shy kid who made good grades and only had one good friend at a time, I was also struggling in my home. My dad and second step mother were partiers. He liked alcohol and bars, and she liked alcohol, drugs, and bars. They did the best they could. I don’t hold anything against them. My dad and I are close and always have been. But my life consisted of fights, drunkenness, drugs, shady characters, and tremendous unhappiness. By the time I was 13, they were on the brink of divorce, and I’d had it. Suddenly, I started coming out of my shell but not in a good way.
After my 8th grade year, my step mom and I moved to her hometown to live with her parents. I loved it there because I had new friends that I really liked. I also had a boyfriend that drove my parents crazy, did things I shouldn’t have done, smoked marijuana, partied and drank every weekend, snuck out all of the time, and bullied others. The bullied had now become the bully. It got so bad that two years later I drove my step mom out of the house and waited for my dad to pick me up after the school year. I hated her, and I don’t think she really liked me at that time either. When she moved out, I became an angel. All of my rebellion was to drive her crazy.
So far, I had a lot of not belonging going on in my young life. Then I arrived in my hometown of Clovis.
Where all the good things are
I love Clovis. I came here in 1989 and entered my junior year in high school and graduated in 1991. I got born again here. I met my husband here. I had my son, and we raised him here. I’ve had several successful businesses here. I have a church family that I absolutely love doing life with. All the good things I’ve experienced have been in Clovis. You could say that I am Clovis.
But even in a city that embraced me and completed my life, I still have moments where I don’t belong. I’ve now grown up into my own skin and embrace my personality, my strengths, and my passions. I’m basically at the age where I just don’t care. I’m passionate about my clients, my family, my city, my country, and my faith. I’m an outspoken and confident female (who still have butterflies from time to time). I boldly tell the truth and try to as gently as possible, but if a person doesn’t get it, it’s time to be more straightforward. Sometimes that causes misunderstanding and not belonging.
Who cares
You have one life to live. I have one life to live. And I’m going to make sure that it’s my Hell Yeah! Life. I’m going to live life bold. I’m going to live life fully. I’m going to live life on my own terms and in agreement with God’s plan for it. I am unapologetically me.
I no longer try to fit in. I’m tactful and diplomatic but not inauthentic. I no longer care about belonging. I care about cooperation. I’m fine admitting I don’t like certain people and that’s ok. There are plenty who probably don’t like me I’m sure.
Building your life and your business on your own terms demands that you be authentic and bold. It requires risk and being misunderstood. However, it is the most exciting adventure there is. All those years of not belonging as a child and a daughter empowered me to mature into a person who lives life boldly. You cannot be powerful and powerless at the same time. You cannot be a victor and victim at the same time. We all have traumatic and damaging past experiences. It’s how we respond to them that determines if we live our own Hell Yeah! Life or live a broken life. The choice is ours.
TWO QUESTIONS TO ASK
Ask yourself if you are living your authentic Hell Yeah! life or are you living under the imposition of others who tell you what you’re supposed to be like and how you’re supposed to live? If so, take a risk and began to dig yourself out from other their expectations. It doesn’t mean you don’t live life in couple hood or cease being a good parent. It means you continue those things but in ways that are true to who you are and your core values. No belonging is worth faking your entire life.
Imagine that you are on your deathbed with plenty of time for reflection. Do you have regrets? If not, congratulations! But if you do, then change those things now! You only have one shot at this. You must make it count!
