That Time No One Came to My Birthday Party

Transcript:

I don’t cry unless it’s a movie like Gladiator, American Sniper, or something along those lines. Or some type of animal movie like Shiloh. I just left Texas after visiting with family and cried leaving, Bella, my mom’s dog because we were best friends immediately. I sure did want to take her home. So unless it’s an animal or war movie, I don’t cry. And, yet, here I was sitting in a local coffee shop tearing up at a business meeting!

Here’s what happened. Both my friend, Anette, and I had attended a business seminar at our local Chamber of Commerce and were given homework to meet up with someone who had also attended the seminar within the next week and help each other concerning some type of business or professional problem. We decided to have coffee and see how we could help each other.

Her issue was pretty much a personality conflict at work, which I’m really good at helping with because I do that all the time in my business. Then it was my turn. I sat there for a moment and couldn’t really think of anything, so I’m doing a brain scan looking for a problem. Out of the blue, I thought, “Why not share how I procrastinate conducting live trainings? Yeah, that’s a good one!” I literally just blurted out that thought not thinking much would come out of it.

She looked at me shocked and asked, “Why would you not hold live events?”

“Because I’m afraid no one will come,” I, again, blurted.

Even more shocked, she asked, “How could you think that? You already have a great reputation around town and provide tremendous value even though you’ve not had your business very long.”

I let her know that I wasn’t sure, which was why I mentioned it. Lol! And, then, bam! A memory surfaced that immediately caused me to tear up. I was not expecting that at all! She noticed my distress and asked what was wrong. I told her that I think it’s because no one came to my 11th birthday party. 

The Infamous Party 

I was 11-years-old and had invited my friends to my first and only birthday party. I was wearing a new outfit that my step-mother let me pick out. We decorated the living room. Bought a cake or my step-mom made it. I can’t remember. I do remember how excited I was! The time came for my friends to come, and I waited. And waited. And waited. After about 30 minutes, I knew no one was coming. The sting of rejection was painful. I went to my room and took off my new outfit. I don’t remember much after that. I don’t remember opening presents. I don’t remember taking down the decorations, eating cake, or anything. I do remember that something shifted inside of me. I adopted an, “I don’t care attitude.” I buried the rejection, the memory, and never had another party.

And, here I was, 35 years later feeling like it just happened the day before! I had enough sense to know that if a memory still has its sting, it’s not healed. I also realized that a quote I’d heard years ago was true—emotions buried never die. We can stuff them, dismiss them, or compartmentalize them, but one day, they will resurface. Here’s an even more important truth—you might think they’re forgotten, but they become data in your subconscious that can sabotage you. And that’s exactly what was happening to me. 

We visited a little bit more, and then I headed home to get to the bottom of this memory and overcome it! I got out my journal and did my favorite emotional intelligence exercise—the five why’s. I didn’t ask why no one showing up bothered me because that’s obvious. Instead, I asked why no one came to my party. It’s important to ask the right questions so you get the right answers to produce change. 

And here’s the conclusion I came to on my fifth why—I’d targeted the wrong market! You see, I wanted to be a cool kid that hung out with the other cool kids, so I invited only the “cool kids” to my party not my actual friends! Not only did I target the wrong market, I was also a jerk and rejected my own friends! It was a marketing issue not a value statement! 

I can’t tell you how freeing that realization was. I scheduled and launched my first live event and haven’t looked back since. Sometimes that old fear of no one coming tries to rear its ugly head, but I’m no longer paralyzed. I can push through and do what I need to do. 

I’m sharing this story because too many of us are sabotaging our personal and professional goals without even realizing it! My emotional response made it pretty darn obvious that I had to deal with my no-show birthday party memory, but sometimes our emotional response isn’t so obvious. The signs of a problem might be more subtle like resistance, procrastination, apathy, avoidance, and low-level anxiety. Anytime I feel negative emotions that have no immediate “reason,” I sit down and process, usually using the five-why’s exercise. Knowledge is empowering, and emotional intelligence is the number one predictor of success. Being intentional in your personal development like this is one of the best things you can do to achieve your dreams!