Coffee Keeps My Marriage Happy!

My husband, Mike, and I have been married for almost 28 years (officially on March 23, 2020). The first three years were TOUGH! We were both young, immature emotionally, and rough around the edges. He came from two parents that loved each other and had been married his entire life. I came from three broken marriages. He liked to party with his friends. I was a young mom at home by myself with my young son most of the time. By the end of the three years, I literally hated him. Seriously. I didn’t care if he lived or died. But I was committed and with my faith in God, I stayed. I’m glad I did. However, if he’d never changed, I doubt I’d have stayed. I’m sure I was no walk in the park either!

WHERE COFFEE COMES IN

After the first three years, we got along great. We raised our son, owned businesses, and grew as individuals and as a couple. However, we both love to work and that became a problem. He’d work until midnight or later. I’d work and do other things until then as well. This created a weird dynamic of being best friends but almost like roommates at times. And it caused some major problems that we didn’t see for a long time. It’s like the straw that broke the camel’s back. It was a perfect storm of several things out of our control and in our control that accumulated into a rough patch. Thankfully, our strong friendship and love for each other was the glue that helped us navigate through that year and become stronger than ever!

It was during this “recovery” and “realigning” time that we made a commitment to some absolutes in our marriage. One of those absolutes was coffee time. Every day at 5:00 PM, we come home from work and have our coffee together. We catch up, watch some news, and take a moment from our busy schedules. It’s our favorite time of the day! We treat it like an appointment. If either one of us going to be late, we’ll text each other. If we have to reschedule it for an earlier or later time, we’ll do that. We HATE missing our coffee time.

At first, I didn’t know how important it was. There was a week that no matter what I tried to do I couldn’t get home on time! Finally, after the third time, he said, “I’ll just have coffee by myself from now on.” That let me know that coffee time was “our” time, and I better quit jacking with it because the message I was sending what that he wasn’t important to me.

IN SUMMARY

I think that sometimes we see our marriage as “the big picture” not realizing that it’s a collection of smaller things we do each day that make one another feel loved and significant. It’s not just the coffee. It’s the commitment and priority we’re communicating to each other. I highly encourage you to carve out those special things and times together that make your marriage rich.

Here are a few other things we’ve learned:

💍 Laugh everyday with and at each other. What?! At each other? Yes, if you can’t laugh at yourself and one another, you’re insecure and immature.

💍 Give each other power. This means that you allow your spouse to influence you and you influence your spouse. It prevents dominance in the relationship and hopelessness for the one dominated.

💍 Set absolutes that protect your friendship. For me and Mikes, it’s our daily coffee time. At 5:00 PM you can find me having coffee with him. And if I’m late or him, we let each other know.

💍 Find your favorite shows. This is really finding things to do together you both like. We love our shows. Some say that’s not really spending time together. For us it is. We’re not clingy, let’s stare into each other’s eyes and talk kinda people.

Remember, it’s the little things that add up to the big picture of a happily ever after.